Relationship
Someday I just wondered when is the right time to get into a relationship and to be thinking further. What are the key pointers that make up or called a good relationship? I am totally clueless about it.
When you thought you have grasped it, but you then realized that it is not yet. I thought I have the full knowledge to handle both him and our both side of our family. But I now realized that I am not there. I am so childish. I need to think further than that. He is there for me all the time but I am not. I do not even feel that I ever want to go further than him being my best friend.
At first I thought it was my feeling that it is because I am fat that resulted that I withdraw from being open about my relationship. But as time goes by, it is not just fat; it is also my commitment toward relationship. I do not see myself committing to anything especially in term of relationship. Clarification it is not a normal relationship that I am talking about. It is about Boy and Girl Relationship (BGR). I do not see or want to commit. Simply working life makes things more realistic and resulting that I see different things from different perspective.
Making it is working that makes things really different. By working full time and working part time is totally different which make life more realistic. When working part time, I am still quite sheltered by my parents resulting that I am still ignorant to a lot of things. But when I start having attachment, I start to understand even better and get to be less ignorant to things. Being less ignorant to things resulting that I see how realistic and how harsh the world is.
Hoping not to make the wrong decision and therefore delayed from communicating my real thoughts/family discussion that I had with him. In relationship over 2 years and with at least 1½ years trying to delay from telling exactly how I feel how I want how I think. Why so, simply just do not want to hurt him. I hurt him more than ever. I feel stupid and dumb. I know so many ‘no, no’ yet I break every single ‘no, no’.
I am not a very good leader, because I pull him to do things that are ‘no, no’. I should have stand up for the ‘no, no’. Clarification: Against the rules of my parents equal to the no, no. I feel so hard to concentrate at work now. I have 2 good colleagues who are NIE trainees. I am afraid to cry in front of them. I am afraid to cry in front of my supervisor. I am even more afraid to cry in front of students if I accidentally lose my control. It is my entire fault for going too fast in a relationship. I should have put a break and go slow, but no we went slightly too fast. In my parents’ eye we are too fast, and now trying to break and go slow, he finds it hard to understand me. He felt that I treated him not even as a friend. My entire fault, should have break. If I have break it early, it would not have resulted in this.
Sigh. Me ah, just think too much and then went into a relationship and then break up like how a typical happens. Ha. Ha.
Sigh. With my hood up, trying to cover my red eyes or tears that suddenly flow, I hope that no one will see or notice those tears and red eyes. Focus. You can do it Ruth! J
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ReplyDelete"he finds it hard to understand me. He felt that I treated him not even as a friend"... I understood, but perhaps I had not convey the massage clearer enough to you. It should be like this, but both of us had not done it, "the slower the relationship, the stronger bonds/ commitment required."
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